


A Daunting Haunting

by LunaStories



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers - Freeform, Crack, Dick Jokes, Established Relationship, Fic or Treat 2019, Halloween, M/M, Ouija Boards, Prompt Fill, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-17 07:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21263483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaStories/pseuds/LunaStories
Summary: Wade haunts an Ouija board, it's very spoopy until it isn't.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 5
Kudos: 109
Collections: Isn't it Bromantic - Fic or Treat 2019





	A Daunting Haunting

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the first of 3 fic or treat fills with absolutely no redeeming qualities. This is a trick, because it is not written well and it is nothing but crack. This was for the fic or treat event and the original prompt 163: Wade haunts an Ouija board.
> 
> Thank you to Bamf for organizing this lovely event!!
> 
> Please enjoy my humble offering.

The problem with Wade was that-

Well, there were many problems with Wade.

The single most damning problem with Wade though, in Peter’s mind, was that the man would. Not. Stop. Dying.

“God fucking damn it,” Peter muttered as he swung past what looked to be Deadpool’s pulverized corpse. He’d taken a rocket launcher to the face, it seemed.

“What’s your status, Spiderman?”

Peter cursed as Captain America’s voice sounded from the receiver he had in his ear, already dreading the disappointed look he’d be getting in his near future.

“I’m fine but Deadpool kind of looks like the gunk on the bottom of a shoe right now.”

There was a tired sigh.

“Again?”

“Again.” Peter confirmed, lips pressed into a thin line. It wasn’t that Peter didn’t care. Of course he did, after all, he cared deeply for Wade and they were, in fact, dating (though he’s still not sure how he got roped into it).

Which was why sometimes he wished the guy would take better care of himself.

“I’ll go…gather the pieces,” Peter gritted out, dodging a few stray bullets as he landed next to Wade’s admittedly gruesome body.

“Deadpool was the only one that knew the next location the mob is targeting, get him up and running as soon as you can.”

“Roger that,” Peter quipped, grinning when the rest of the Avengers snickered. He was running low on energy but even he wouldn’t miss out on a pun opportunity like that. It’s free real estate, after all.

After the rather short battle, Peter hefted up the bag containing Wade and took him to Wade’s apartment. He refused to bring Wade’s chopped up pieces to his own apartment, the blood stains from last time still decorated his living room floors like a murder scene.

Once there, he carefully opened the bag and placed Wade on the couch. It was already stained to hell and back so he figured Wade wouldn’t complain.

Now to sit and wait.

Peter looked around curiously, noting the decorations strung up and the nauseatingly realistic limbs hanging from fake spider webs on the ceilings.

He stared at them a moment too long; knowing Wade those actually _were_ real limbs. He quickly looked away and his eyes fell on the coffee table.

There was an Ouija board there.

Peter pursed his lips and stared down at it. He recognized it, and he wasn’t surprised Wade had one just laying around, especially during Halloween. Wade may be many things (insane, an absolute pervert, a nuisance, etc) but Peter did respect Wade’s enthusiasm for any and all holidays.

Peter glanced around, a bright burn of embarrassment going through him as he sat down in between the ouija board and the couch. This was going to be so fucking stupid but he was too curious not to try. Wade’s body was slowly knitting itself back together, but until then, there was no reason why Peter couldn’t have a little fun.

Peter picked up the pointer and placed it on the center of the board. He cleared his throat.

“Oh spirits or whatever…” Peter trailed off, realizing he had no idea how these things worked. “Um, Wade if you’re there can you let me know what the next location is?”

Peter paused, the silence only making him feel more like a fool.

“This was stupid,” Peter grumbled, and he was about to let go of the pick when his spidey senses shot through the roof. He flinched, and the only reason the pick didn’t go flying was because something was holding his hands down.

Peter watched, eyes wide and chills going down his spine as the pick slowly went to the first letter.

‘D’

‘I’

Peter swallowed hard. He’d watched enough horror movies to know how this ended, and he couldn’t believe he’d been dumb enough to try this. Chances are, this wasn’t Wade and he was about to get mauled by a ghost.

“Please don’t spell ‘die’. Please, I’m too young, Aunt May would kill me,” Peter rambled nervously as the pick slowly moved away from the second letter and towards the dreaded last one.

Except, right before it would land there, it swooped a little further and finished spelling the word with a flourish.

‘C’

‘K’

Peter stared.

“Dick?”

The pick went to ‘yes’.

“Wade if this is you I swear to god-“

‘P’

‘E’

’N’

‘I’

“Okay I get it! It’s you, now stop spelling shit and let go of me.”

The pick moved in circles, obviously just jerking Peter around before landing on ‘No’.

Peter ended up spelling all sorts of profanities that night, with him yelling just as many. Wade finally let him go when he fully healed, and even then it was so that he could laugh at Peter.

“You are so full of shit,” Peter scowled, shoving Wade away as the blood soaked mercenary tried to hug him close.

“But baby, how else would you know it was me and not some scary _spoopy_ ghost?” Wade whined, grinning when Peter relented and let Wade drag him into his lap.

Later on, (much later, after they found out just how uncomfortable sex on an ouija board was) Peter almost murdered Wade again.

Turns out, the location was on Dick street.

Wade was entirely too smug about it. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my slow descent into madness. Happy Halloween ya'll!
> 
> If you enjoyed it please do leave a comment!
> 
> As always, you can find my tumblr [here](http://lunastories.tumblr.com/). Feel free to drop by and say hi!


End file.
